Thursday, June 5, 2008

Why does being in love feel so good - answer by another Love Doctor

Have you ever wondered how much love is in the heart… and how much is on hormones? Whether love at first sight really exists… or is just something Hollywood conjured up? Whether it's love at first sight really exists… or something is just referred to Hollywood? And what about chemistry-can you create it, or does it just happen? And what about the chemistry can be created, or should it coincidence?

Most of us have pondered such issues, and we decided to get some answers. Most of us have thought about these questions, and we decided to get answers. That's why we sat down with noted anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, who is also the author of such books as Why We Love. That is why we sat down with noted anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, who is also the author of such books as the reasons why we love.

Her noteworthy career has been dedicated to understanding love-how and why it functions for us humans-and she sat down with us to share her fascinating insights. His remarkable career has been devoted to understanding the love-how and why it works for us humans and she sat down with us to share her ideas, so fascinating.

Q: Why does being in love feel so good?
Dr. Fisher: Because some of the most powerful brain circuits for pleasure are triggered. The main chemical involved is dopamine, which produces feelings of euphoria, energy, sleeplessness, and focused attention on your beloved. Biologically speaking, you’re experiencing something similar to a cocaine high.

Q: Is there such a thing as love at first sight?
Dr. Fisher: Yes. It probably happens to men more than women because men are more visual, but I think we can all remember times when we felt an instant attraction to someone we barely knew. It has a practical purpose: In the animal kingdom you can’t spend three months discussing your résumé; you need to feel instant sparks to start the breeding process.

Q: Is falling in love all about timing?
Dr. Fisher: Timing is important. The perfect partner can sit right next to you at a party, and you might not notice him or her if you’re too busy at work, enmeshed in another relationship, or otherwise preoccupied. But if you’ve just moved to a new city, recovered from an unsatisfying love affair, begun to make enough money to raise a family, are suffering through a difficult experience, or have a good deal of spare time, you are ripe to fall in love.

Q: Is there anything we can do to make someone fall for us (or make ourselves fall for someone)?
Dr. Fisher: Do new things together. Novelty and excitement all drive up the activity of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain. These neurotransmitters are associated with energy, elation, focused attention and motivation—central traits of romantic love. So as you do novel things, these chemicals hop into action and may just push you over the threshold to fall in love.

Q: Is there anything you can do to make yourself stop loving someone?
Dr. Fisher: Some people, especially women, tend to talk about a failed relationship so much that they re-traumatize themselves. Instead, get rid of your ex’s cards and letters. Don’t call or write. Get some sunshine and exercise, because both can change brain chemistry.

Q: What’s the difference between love and lust?
Dr. Fisher: Lust generally dissipates after having sex and returns hours or days later. You can feel it for several people at the same time and not necessarily feel jealous. But when you’re in love, you are very possessive. And romantic feelings don’t dissipate after having sex; in fact, they can intensify.

Q: Does having sex make people fall in love?
Dr. Fisher: Having sex can trigger love—probably because after orgasm, there’s a peak in dopamine activity. So watch out if you casually bed down with someone—you might unintentionally fall for them.

Q: Do feelings of love die over time, and is there any way to bring them back?
Dr. Fisher: The first intense period of love can last one to three years. After that, these feelings subside. But if two people are compatible, there are many ways to renew a flagging partnership. Novelty can spur romance; sex can trigger it, too. Do some of the things that you used to when you were first dating.

Q: How important a role does chemistry play in love?
Dr. Fisher: I believe that when the chemistry of one personality meshes well with the chemistry of another, it will continually combust throughout the relationship—keeping both partners together and happy during dry spells when feelings of romance are low.

Q: How do men and women experience love differently?
Dr. Fisher: Men fall in love faster than women do. Women take longer because they have to create a “memory trail” of their mate’s behaviors. She has to remember what he promised, what he’s done for the partnership, and what he failed to do.

Q: What do men look for in a mate?
Dr. Fisher: Men are more likely to choose women who display signs of youth and beauty—the first time that they marry, men around the world tend to marry women who are three years younger than themselves. Men are also attracted to women who “need” them. Men want to be helpful.

Q: What do women look for in a mate?
Dr. Fisher: Women are attracted to partners with money, status, and ambition—one study found that American women seek partners who offered financial security twice as frequently as men do. If men look for “sex objects,” then women look for “success objects.”

Q: Can someone truly love more than one person?
Dr. Fisher: No. I think you can feel lust for more than one person, and feelings of attachment for more than one person. But not love. As the Indian aphorism goes, “The lane of love is narrow; there is room for only one.”

Q: What’s the biggest mistake people make when it comes to love?
Dr. Fisher: Some people fall in love before they really know their partner and marry in this state of romantic rapture. They should probably wait until that intense early phase wears off so they can see the flaws in the relationship before they dive in for good.

Q: Having reviewed so much scientific data on love,what would be the most important thing we’ve learned?
Dr. Fisher: To me, the most important thing that scientists have learned is that romantic love was not invented by the troubadours in 11th century France. We have now found love poetry from the ancient Sumerians written some 4,000 years ago, as well as evidence of romantic love in over 150 societies. It’s given me a deep sense of connection to people everywhere: We’re all alike in some basic and beautiful ways.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Kissing 101 How to be a torrid yet passionate kisser- Kiss to Kill

Kissing 101 How to be a torrid yet passionate kisser- Kiss to Kill

Oh well you already know, the title has been stolen from dress to kill, but what's in a name. You come here to find ways how to kiss like a pro and that's what you will get. See the first kiss is very important, for you and for your date. If you makes it a disaster the first time, chances are you won't be a good kisser all your life.I am not frightening you, just stating plain fact.

-Okay, lets start from the beginning. Never kiss in a crowded place for the first time. The first time needs to be special and it is important that you two are alone so that if there are any hiccups, no body is witness to that.

-Don't just jump on her throat and grab her, kiss her like a maniac.Keep yourself in your pants. You might be hungry to get inside her, but artful kissing will take you to that place called haven, ( no dying necessary). Start with fanning her with your breath, on her neck preferably. Most of the girls find it sensual if you breath deeply on their neck. By the way, always check that you breath like a fresh daisy, no one likes to kiss someone who is always on a breathalyser.

- Bend your head the other way than your partner's. This will give you the freedom to keep the touch at maximum level. (Remember touch is an important part in love making. So keep massaging her thighs and back gently, while kissing).

-Explore your partner's mouth with your tongue, but don't choke them. You don't want to look desperate. This is your first time, right.

- To close or not to close- I mean eyes and not your fly, stupid. Its better to close eyes during your first kiss, even if you prefer the other way round. If you kiss with your eyes open, your partner might think that there are other things on your mind which are more important than kissing her. And you don't want her to assume that.( If you want that kiss).

So that's it boys and gals. Keep your head on your shoulders and be sober. You don't want to ruin the sweet memories of your first kiss with hang overs and head aches.

In a poll 90% of women said that they wish their partners kissed them more, but what makes a great kiss and you the perfect kisser?

Here are some basics on french kissing, the history of kissing, why we do it, why we enjoy it and how to give a kiss to remember.

Kissing can express friendship, emotional attachment or can be extremely arousing, depending on the ways it’s done.

Why do we kiss?

Kissing probably derived from ancient times, with food being transferred from the mother’s to her baby’s mouths.

This lip contact developed into a way for mothers to show love to their children. This then developed and became a way to show both love and desire.

What’s the difference between a kiss that falls flat and one that makes you feel weak at the knees? 

What to do if you bang your teeth...
Laugh it off. Tell your partner you're so excited to kiss him or 
her that you're getting dizzy just standing so close. Dizzy with
excitement! They'll believe you. Then get back to kissing . . . 
and get dizzy for real.

How to kiss passionately...
The secret to great kissing is variety. Sometimes you're gentle,
sometimes you're rough. Ouch! Tease your partner with a little bite on
the lips -- as if you can't control yourself and want to eat them up.
Press your nose into your partner's cheek and hug 'em to you,
like the Eskimos.

What to avoid...
Bad breath -- use gum to keep your mouth sweet.
Boring kisses -- vary the intensity, the tempo, the duration.
Silence -- every now and then say something sweet.

Too much tongue -- don't suffocate your partner.
Rigor Mortis -- keep your hands caressing your lover.

How to french kiss...

The secret to great french kissing is responsiveness.
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you let your partner lead.
Don't just use your tongue like a dart!